tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28135807287335503592024-03-18T22:45:31.763-05:00From Eve to MeRendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01052602823225261599noreply@blogger.comBlogger35125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2813580728733550359.post-59145654309549043592015-12-31T19:58:00.002-06:002015-12-31T19:58:38.560-06:00Thank You GraceThank You Grace,<br />
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When<a href="http://fromeve2me.blogspot.tw/2015_01_01_archive.html" target="_blank"> I selected you as my word for 2015</a> I had no idea what that year would bring. Even more important and pressing was how much I would need Grace to be the center of my year.<br />
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The year started off with the goal of showing others more of you. I tend to have very high standards and low trust. So I followed my deep conviction, and set out to shower others with Grace. Some friendships were mended, some grew even stronger, and others came to their end. But I learned that Grace has no expiration regardless of a relationship status.<br />
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Then as the year settled into early summer Grace turned the tables. I became very sick with very limited resources. But Grace is not bound by our restrictions. My husband and I were overwhelmed with donations of time, encouragements, and financial support! Grace, you have really out done yourself.<br />
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We had a beautiful dance. A step forward in faith was reciprocated with more Grace. And as the situations grew more complicated and unstable, David and I reflected on our previous dance routines. Our responses were more than choreographed, they were a genuine natural movement.<br />
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With the cool breeze of Fall you graced us with your presence. You gave us a beautiful gift that we had patiently waited for. And when that<a href="http://fromeve2me.blogspot.tw/2015/10/part-one.html" target="_blank"> gift slipped through our hands,</a> you held us so tight. Your touch provided peace and love. Your constant guidance was the only light pulling us out of darkness and toward healing. You allowed us to scream and beat our chest. You allowed us to mourn and worship. There were no rules under your direction.<br />
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When David and I decided that we would like to name our child, we did not look far. This child was yours before it was ours. <a href="http://fromeve2me.blogspot.tw/2015/10/part-one.html" target="_blank">While singing the song "Lord I need You"</a> the following verse sealed the deal.<br />
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<b>"<i>WHERE GRACE IS FOUND, IS WHERE YOU ARE,</i></b></div>
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<i><b>AND WHERE YOU ARE, LORD I AM FREE"</b></i></div>
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Our child was not lost but found with the Lord, in a paradise of Grace. We had referred to Baby O as a boy and settled in on the name <i>Gracen. </i>His memory would be rooted in the overwhelming, undeserving gift of the Love of Christ. </div>
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As tears and years come and go, I know you will guide my heart. As people inquire about this family of two, you will give me courage. As we meet other hurting couples, you will give me wisdom. As we celebrate with others, you will give me strength. </div>
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Thank you Grace. </div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. - Hebrews 4:16</span></i></div>
Rendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01052602823225261599noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2813580728733550359.post-42276429754152044712015-11-29T19:27:00.000-06:002015-11-29T19:27:50.045-06:00Thanksgiving Trimester<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="text-align: left;">I mulled over this post over and over again constantly debating with how transparent I want to be with you and how transparent I need to be [for myself]. This may not be understood by anyone else but for me, I need to read this. </span></div>
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Just a few months ago I thought it would take ages to reach this week and yet here we are. This week would have marked my second trimester of pregnancy. So how am I feeling? How am I holding up?</div>
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<i>deep breathe in...</i></div>
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I AM OKAY</div>
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<i>deep breathe out...</i></div>
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That is such a short sentence, and often so flippantly used but here, in this moment, it is pure. This simple sentence takes my breathe away and restores it with calm assurance. </div>
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This week does not get to belong to my past. It does not get to be a mourning marker but a healing marker. It is the marking of my second trimester of healing. My main symptoms are deep breaths and my top craving is a whole lotta Jesus.....<i>and a little bit of Adele</i> :)</div>
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Don't think about tomorrow. I just need this moment. </div>
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Don't think about May. My heart can't see that far just yet. </div>
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Don't think about the trials to come. After all, I know who I belong to, and nothing catches Him off guard. </div>
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Our loving Father knew that Thanksgiving and my second trimester would share a day.</div>
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Sweet November has held my gentle spirit and taken calendar dates from the depths of mourning and adorned them on a heart in the middle of restoration. </div>
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So Thanksgiving surrounded us with family, and a giggling niece and nephews. With hours of card games and football games (including a BIG 12 championship...BOOMER SOONER.) Delicious food and even some shopping.<br />
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Our thankfulness was expressed in living life with each other and embracing each other in love and laughter. It was beautiful marker of healing and celebration of the simple blessings. </div>
Rendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01052602823225261599noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2813580728733550359.post-9877452205244850002015-11-18T16:55:00.000-06:002015-11-18T16:55:42.216-06:00Phase Six: Altered <i style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Droid Serif'; font-size: 15.4px; line-height: 21.56px;">If you are visiting my blog for the first time, you may refer to the <a href="http://fromeve2me.blogspot.com/2015/10/part-one.html" style="color: #78979e; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Phase One</a> for background on our miscarriage story. We are thankful for your continued prayer support during our journey. </i><br />
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When I began these posts I wrestled with what to call them. I jumped between "<i>Part</i>" and "<i>Phase</i>." And even though I have decided on "<i>phase</i>" it still does not adequately label these forms of expression.<br />
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A "<i>part</i>" & "<i>phase</i>" elude to a conclusion. There may be dozens of <i>parts</i> and <i>phases</i>, but eventually they will be complete; they conclude. I think this reveals my mind set at the time of losing Baby O. My Type-A personality said "you will only mourn for a short time, this will just be a portion of your story, this will only be a phase."<br />
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And while some days I wish it was over, there are tender <a href="http://fromeve2me.blogspot.com/2015/11/phase-five-sweet-november.html" target="_blank">sweet November moments</a> when I am thankful to have my battle wounds. There are times when I just want to write a blog post about my weekend plans or show off my Christmas decor. There are also times when I open a post, bare my soul, and leave the post in draft mode because it is all too tender to release to you.<br />
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I am learning that a time is coming when "<i>phase</i>" is not permanent enough. I no longer want to look back and read about my phase of miscarriage, because God has moved mountains in my identity, marriage, relationships that far exceed the capacity of a "<i>phase</i>." <br />
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There has not been a day since September when I do not think of Baby O. in one aspect or another. That has never changed.<br />
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What has changed, and is so beautiful, is what brings Baby O to mind.<br />
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At first the thoughts came from a place of deep mourning. I missed my baby. Then through gentle interactions and tender conversations I was reflecting on Baby O in a positive light. God used our child to reach those around us that had not yet come to terms with their out miscarriage story. God used our child to soften our hearts toward the hurting hearts of others. My husband and I mourn better. Our arms are open with unconditional apology for the hurts of a broken world.<br />
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And with that I am thankful.<br />
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Only the God of the Bible, our Creator, and redeemer. Only He can take something awful and by His spirit use it to bring peace and comfort to our hearts and to the hearts of others.<br />
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Nothing else can do that. No one else can do that.<br />
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This is a life change. Not a "part" or "portion" or "phase" of my life. The very fabric of my thoughts, of my love, and of my actions are altered.<br />
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<i>"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold the new has come." - 2nd Corinthians 5:17</i></div>
<br />Rendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01052602823225261599noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2813580728733550359.post-54471928258008640052015-11-04T10:15:00.000-06:002015-11-05T07:24:05.065-06:00Phase Five: Sweet November<i style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Droid Serif'; font-size: 15.4px; line-height: 21.56px;">Thank you for your continued prayer during this season of our life and phase of healing. If you are reading this post for the first time, you may refer to the <a href="http://fromeve2me.blogspot.com/2015/10/part-one.html" style="color: #78979e; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Phase One</a> for background on our miscarriage story. </i><br />
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I have always wanted to be pregnant in Autumn.<br />
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I loved everything about cozy blankets, football games, and two holidays back to back. Many of the ideas of sharing news with family and friends centered around cute pumpkins, at the Thanksgiving Dinner table, or through Christmas gifts. </div>
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So it was a tender sweet gift to be pregnant in the fall. The pregnancy was not only an answer to prayer but the timing was as well.</div>
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A few weeks ago I shared about the <a href="http://fromeve2me.blogspot.com/2015/10/part-three.html" target="_blank">cruelty of this miscarriage</a> experience. While writing that post I viewed my autumn miscarriage as a cruel taunting of this fallen world. Why did it have to be during my favorite season? Why did it have to be near my birthday? The hurt seemed so intentional. The pain seemed so specific. </div>
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Then, during a crisp fall night, October passed away and gave birth to November. </div>
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<i>Sweet November. </i></div>
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A time of Thankfulness. A time of looking back on what God has done this year. </div>
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Throughout the New Testament the apostle Paul continues to remind his fellow Christians to seek a heart of thankfulness, especially during a time of trial. </div>
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<b><i>"...give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."</i></b></div>
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<b><i> - 1 Thessalonians 5:18</i></b></div>
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So here I am. In my autumn, barring wounds from battle, as I march in the season of Thanksgiving. </div>
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What I have found when I am face down before God is that I can more accurately see <i>His provision</i> over my life instead of <i>my vision</i> for my life. When I am humble before God I am reminded of the 1,000's of dollars He provided for my surgery. When I step back from my current hurt I am reminded that God puts air in my lungs each morning. There are things to be thankful for everywhere!<br />
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So how tender and how sweet of the Lord to have November after October. How tender and sweet of Him to move me toward a heart of mourning to a heart of thanksgiving with autumn leaves all around me. While October seemed cruel, November seems sweet. </div>
Rendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01052602823225261599noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2813580728733550359.post-3037634415969112832015-10-21T09:26:00.000-05:002015-10-21T09:36:13.235-05:00Phase Four: Content Choices<i style="background-color: white; font-family: "Droid Serif"; font-size: 15.4px; line-height: 21.56px;">Thank you for your continued prayer during this season of our life and phase of healing. If you are reading this post for the first time, you may refer to the <a href="http://fromeve2me.blogspot.com/2015/10/part-one.html" style="color: #78979e; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Phase One</a> for background on our miscarriage story. </i><br />
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One of the things I focused on during the miscarriage was the positive fact that I was able to get pregnant in the first place. This was a miracle in itself. The surgery to remove the tumor was successful and the diagnoses of only stage 1 Endometriosis was such a blessing. We had expected things to be much worse.<br />
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So when the hard news hit, I focused on December and the hope of having another announcement.<br />
When I had to breathe through nightmare contractions, I focused on the fact that my story is not over; I will have another chance to have a child.<br />
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Once the fog cleared (of the physical pain at least) my husband and I had the conversation. With emotions at bay, we discussed when we would try again for a family of three. <br />
While other couples may start as soon as her body allows, other couples are not us. Other couples are not in their senior year of Bible College. Other couples are not graduating in May. Other couples are not student workers employed part-time with no health benefits.<br />
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Not that it could't be done. But we needed to be realistic and honest.<br />
It would not be honest to send resumes this winter and go to job interviews over Spring Break with the full intention of being a stay-at-home-mom once the baby is born.<br />
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So we wouldn't try again until settled where ever God takes us after May.<br />
I've already done the math. I know it will be almost a year or more before I hope to see another positive pregnancy test.<br />
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Some days I am fine with this. I just finished midterms and finals will be here in 2 months. We will keep busy with networking and prepping resumes. We have 7 months left to soak up fellowship with classmates and professors. Our schedules keep us busy. And as a young married couple, we have plenty of time.<br />
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Plenty. of. Time.<br />
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<i>Time. </i><br />
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Then there are days when all I see are a the tiny boxes I have to cross off. Three hundred and sixty five boxes. When I can barely make it through a single day.. I think of how many more I have to "make it through" before our family grows. It feels never ending.<br />
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While I am so scared to ever trust a positive test, while I will hesitate at every ultrasound, and I know I will panic at every feeling and abnormality. While going through all of this again seems terrifying, <i>I long to be pregnant again. </i><br />
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I have already heard people say "You have plenty of time." But the irony is that they are the same people that say "Don't tell God your plans!" when I share that we are waiting.<br />
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It's smart to be realistic. It's healthy to mourn.<br />
And it's okay to prepare while God heals us.<br />
And it's okay to rest while He moves in your heart. <br />
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<em>"He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness For His name's sake." </em></div>
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<em>Psalm 23:3</em></div>
Rendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01052602823225261599noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2813580728733550359.post-79097719894323580892015-10-15T16:39:00.000-05:002015-10-15T22:37:32.476-05:00Phase Three: Cruel October<i style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Droid Serif'; font-size: 15.4px; line-height: 21.56px;">Thank you for your continued prayer during this season of our life and phase of healing. If you are reading this post for the first time, you may refer to the <a href="http://fromeve2me.blogspot.com/2015/10/part-one.html" style="color: #78979e; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Phase One</a> for background on our miscarriage story. </i><br />
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I don't believe in signs or destiny. I don't believe that "nature" or "karma" send things my way to reward or punish me. I know why bad things happen to good people. I know why there is hurt. I know why cancer exists. I know why there is death. <br />
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There is general pain caused because we live in a decaying world full of sin. And there is specific pain that is caused by my own sin. <br />
Pain is here because sin is here. <br />
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But it's hard when that general pain feels specific. <br />
It's hard not to feel targeted, selected even, to go through this very pinpoint pain. <br />
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Example? <br />
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When you have to take medication on October 1st to induce labor of a failed miscarriage only to learn that October is Infant Loss and Awareness month. <br />
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Ouch. <br />
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It's breathing through contractions only to find out that a few states away an old acquaintance is doing the same, except she is in a hospital room awaiting the arrival of a living child. <br />
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Then there is today. <br />
Today I am waiting for the doctor to call with my blood work to confirm that this physical nightmare is complete. That the miscarriage passed "successfully." <br />
Today. <br />
October 15th 2015. <br />
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Do you know what today is? <br />
Infant Loss and Miscarriage Awareness Day. <br />
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When I realized this, I allowed my jaded and sarcastic inner voice take control of my thoughts. Laughing to myself thinking "Oh I am VERY AWARE of what happened. I am very aware of my loss." <br />
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But the "awareness" is never for the person who has experienced the loss. What is sad is that as common as miscarriage is, it's not common enough for people to share it. After all even I am resorting to a blog post instead of facebook updates and phone calls. <br />
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But why raise awareness? Why take the time to document this wave of pain and dance between joy and grief? (<em>Thank you Angie Smith for that phrase).</em><br />
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Because where there is pain, there is reason for comfort. <br />
Where there is pain, there are questions for why. <br />
And while I understand why there is pain in the world, someone out there does not. And the pain they are feeling, feels...targeted. <br />
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The word I have been using is Cruel. <br />
It's cruel to go through a miscarriage. <br />
It's cruel to pay an ER bill for a miscarriage. <br />
It's cruel to lose a life I cannot bury. <br />
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Pain. can. be. cruel. <br />
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So what do I do when I live in a world with cruel pain? <br />
What balances specific, deep, loss?<br />
What could possibly out last my patience, withstand my screams, and embrace my brokenness? <br />
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<em>"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." -Psalm 73:26</em><br />
<br />Rendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01052602823225261599noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2813580728733550359.post-3346384350569735572015-10-15T00:29:00.000-05:002015-10-17T00:15:44.310-05:00Phase Two: Lost and Found<i>Thank you for your continued prayer during this season of our life and phase of healing. If you are reading this post for the first time, you may refer to the <a href="http://fromeve2me.blogspot.com/2015/10/part-one.html" target="_blank">Phase One</a> for background on our miscarriage story. </i><br />
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It's not just the baby.<br />
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Its not just the pregnancy, the birth story, the feedings all night, and all that comes with having a newborn. </div>
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It's not just the cute clothes, the cute books, and cute pictures. </div>
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It's not first steps, first words, and first days of school. </div>
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It's not just sport games, and recitals. </div>
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It's not just birthdays, and family portraits. </div>
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It''s not just prom, graduation, and college visits. </div>
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It's not just engagements, and wedding days.<br />
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I did not just lose a baby.<br />
I lost a lifetime of memories.<br />
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During a gentle conversation last week, a woman shared insight from her own miscarriage. She explained that a miscarriage is not just the mourning of the pregnancy but a loss of everything that <i>that </i>life may have included.<br />
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This week those words rang a little too loud in my heart.<br />
I found myself walking in crisp fall weather, singing in worship songs, and giggling with my husband...all the while wishing "Baby O" could be with us.<br />
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And yet,<br />
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My hope must be in the fact that God exists, and that while loss does sting, Hell has no victory with this life.<br />
My hope is in the fact that while I did lose a child, my child is not lost. But found in the most precious, most holy, most safe of places surrounded by the most powerful form of love from the very source Himself.<br />
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<i>My hope is built on nothing less</i></div>
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<i>Than Jesus' blood and righteousness;</i></div>
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<i>I dare not trust the sweetest frame, </i></div>
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<i>but wholly lean on Jesus' name. </i></div>
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<i>When darkness veils His lovely face, </i></div>
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<i>I rest on His unchanging grace; </i></div>
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<i>In every high and stormy gale, </i></div>
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<i>My anchor holds within the veil.</i></div>
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<i>His oath, His covenant, His blood</i></div>
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<i>Support me in the whelming flood;</i></div>
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<i>When all around my soul gives way, </i></div>
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<i>He then is all my hope and stay. </i></div>
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<i>When He shall come with trumpet sound, </i></div>
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<i>Oh, may I then in Him be found;</i></div>
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<i>Dressed in His righteousness alone, </i></div>
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<i>Faultless to stand before the throne. </i></div>
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<i><b>On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;</b></i></div>
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<b><i>All other ground is sinking sand,</i></b></div>
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<b><i>all other ground is sinking sand. </i></b></div>
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Rendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01052602823225261599noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2813580728733550359.post-8510873761616749142015-10-11T23:35:00.000-05:002015-11-18T16:56:42.542-06:00Phase One: Lord I need You<i>There is no easy way to say this. You are going to be blindsided.</i><br />
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After discovering an ovarian tumor in April, I finally underwent surgery in mid-August. We hoped that this surgery would provide healing and ultimately lead to successful pregnancy in the future.<br />
In early September we found out that it did. We found out that after seven years we were expecting.<br />
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I was progressing as normal and began to embrace all the feels and excitement. May would bring all sorts of change with college graduation and the arrival of Baby O.<br />
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Toward the end of the month I sensed something was not right.<br />
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I remember a very tender Sunday morning at church. I stood for worship and clung my hands around my aching belly. As I read the words on the screen that described how powerful our God is, how He is Able, I could feel that my body was not able. I knew, in that moment that something was wrong. I also knew that there was nothing that could be done about it. So I stood. I held my womb and sang.<br />
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<b>“Lord I need You. Oh I need You!”</b><br />
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With each sting and cramp, I held on tighter. I sang louder. There was a blurry line between a heart of worship and a heart of request.<br />
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<b>“Lord I need you. Every hour I need you!...”</b><br />
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He gave me a new outlook, right there standing in the dimly lit sanctuary. I can stand and mourn. Or I can stand and show my child a heart of worship. I wouldn’t know how much longer I would carry Baby O, but this baby would know worship. Looking back, I will hold that moment in my heart forever. A tender moment of worshiping with my child.<br />
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The following week would reveal that I was in the early stages of a miscarriage. We clung to Philippians 4:7 <i>“peace in the midst of chaos”</i> and God provided. David and I felt so strong and full of joy and peace. We developed a mind set of thanksgiving for God allowing us, choosing us to carry Baby O, even for a month. We were thankful for the opportunity after 7 years of infertility.<br />
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<b>"Lord I come and I confess. Bowing here I find my rest."</b><br />
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Another week went by and I would have blood work done to confirm that the miscarriage was complete. The doctor called with the results that instead of decreasing, my blood levels had risen. This means that the miscarriage did not complete on its own.<br />
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I would need to labor at home.<br />
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<b>"Without you, I fall apart. </b><br />
<b>You're the one that guides my heart."</b><br />
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My peace was gone. My contentment was gone. What was seen as an opportunity now only seemed like cruel punishment.<br />
<br />
After dinner one evening I went around the house tiding up. I found my most comfortable clothes. Gathered my favorite blanket. Lit my favorite candle. Took my medication to begin the contractions. It wasn’t a room on the Labor and Deliver floor. There were no nurses or excitement. Just me beside my husband working on my Greek homework to pass the time.<br />
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<b>"Teach my song to rise to you, when temptation comes my way"</b><br />
<br />
I imagine that as other women breathe through the pain of contractions they stay focused with the coming arrival of their child. Pain in the night but Joy in the morning.<br />
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Again, this experience only felt cruel.My focus was to survive through the next contraction. My goal was to be able to fall back asleep before the next wave. I had pain in the night and only mourning.<br />
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<b>"When I cannot stand, I'll fall on You"</b><br />
<br />
When we first found out about our pregnancy I quickly went to the calendar to plot the due date and trimester markings. We knew that we would have an ultrasound appointment for the heartbeat right before a trip back home to Oklahoma. It was perfect timing.<br />
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It felt like it would be forever before that ultrasound.<br />
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Then all of a sudden we were driving to Oklahoma with very different news to deliver.<br />
<br />
<b>"Jesus you're my hope and stay."</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<i>Like I said, you were probably blindsided by this news. For your sake and ours, we decided to keep this news to ourselves as long as we could. The honest truth of miscarriage is that few people know what to say, and we don't quite know what we want to hear. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>David and I are using this blog as we navigate through this season of healing. Even though you may not know what to say, we will always appreciate your prayers. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>The links for more recent posts can be found listed here.</i><br />
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<i><a href="http://fromeve2me.blogspot.com/2015/10/part-two.html" target="_blank">Phase Two</a></i><br />
<i><a href="http://fromeve2me.blogspot.com/2015/10/part-three.html" target="_blank">Phase Three</a></i><br />
<em><a href="http://fromeve2me.blogspot.com/2015/10/phase-4-content-choices.html" target="_blank">Phase Four</a></em><br />
<i><a href="http://fromeve2me.blogspot.com/2015/11/phase-five-sweet-november.html" target="_blank">Phase Five</a></i><br />
<i><a href="http://fromeve2me.blogspot.com/2015/11/phase-six-altered.html" target="_blank">Phase Six</a></i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>-Renda and David. </i>Rendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01052602823225261599noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2813580728733550359.post-91029703038515879752015-01-11T22:58:00.001-06:002015-01-11T22:58:23.207-06:00Clinging to GraceMy resolution <em>a few millennia ago</em> was to discontinue the use of resolutions in my life. I have commitment issues with resolutions. Resolutions and I... we just weren't meant to be together. <br />
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But January, January is sooo in love with resolutions. If January was Ross, then resolutions would be his Rachel. <em>(I've been binge watching Friends #Netflix). </em><br />
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There is something so magical about the fresh start that a new year brings. New beginnings, fresh start, start over, do-over. <br />
Just thinking of these terms brings a sigh of excitement and wonder!<br />
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I don't think we can help but to yearn for a fresh start. <br />
We cannot help to yearn for it because <span style="font-size: large;">we all need to start over</span>. We crave it and it feels like a gift from nature to have a new Day One. <br />
And not just this generation, or the last ten, but every single human being from the 6th day of creation to tonight craves a fresh start. <br />
<br />
<em>Sin hijacked our start.</em> <br />
Sin can often come wrapped in "new". Promising new peace, new experiences, new joy. <br />
But the reality is that sin only brings new hurt, new pain, and new consequences. <br />
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Sin brings guilt and they throw a party in your heart and mind. <br />
Their job is to convince you Day One is gone, and never coming again. You blew it. <br />
You schmuck. You idiot. <br />
And while others may tell you there is a restart, sin says: <em>"You couldn't have it, even it if existed, because you are unworthy of new. You are dirty, you are worn, you are sick and broken. Old is where you belong."</em> <br />
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But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: <strong>While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. </strong>Romans 5:8</div>
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Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: <strong>The old has gone, the new is here!</strong></div>
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2 Corinthians 5:17</div>
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How? </div>
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I am dirty, I am worn, I am sick and I am certainly broken. I am not a qualified applicant for a new creation. </div>
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It is <strong>by grace</strong> that you have been saved through faith in Christ Jesus... Ephesians 2:8</div>
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For you resolution setters, what propels you into the new year? </div>
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Doesn't the memory of the past year push you to make better choices? </div>
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In the same way. When we are a new creation in Christ, we are not patients with amnesia. </div>
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We remember we are unqualified. We remember our sin. </div>
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Why? </div>
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By grace you have been saved through faith in Christ Jesus. <strong>And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.</strong> Ephesians 2:8-9</div>
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We remember the sin and choices because we can more richly celebrate the gift of grace. </div>
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We did not earn grace and yet grace was given. </div>
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Our actions in sin kept us unqualified, but as grace moves in our lives (via the Holy Spirit) that New Life begins to ooze out in all the other areas of our life: </div>
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-at school</div>
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-at work</div>
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-at church</div>
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-with strangers</div>
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-with family</div>
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-with friends</div>
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I don't set resolutions. I can't keep them. But this year I was encouraged by a <a href="http://aimeeeeeeeee.blogspot.com/2015/01/stop-grumbling-start-doing.html" target="_blank">blog post from Aimee</a> to have a word to "cling to in 2015." I loved this idea! </div>
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So for 2015, I'm clinging to this gift from God. I'm clinging to Grace. </div>
Rendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01052602823225261599noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2813580728733550359.post-45994395120941458322014-01-08T20:13:00.000-06:002015-01-08T21:03:08.772-06:00My Waiting Broke<span style="color: blue;"><span style="color: #e69138;"></span></span><br />
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I began to cry in the middle of the night. Trying to console me, my husband asked what was wrong and I simply whispered "I'm tired of waiting..." <br />
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He stayed up with me until almost dawn as I whispered my heartache over this waiting game. I shared how my life had just been a chorus of phrases like: <br />
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<em>"In 2 years, In 5 years, After you get this done, When that is paid off, After you have that degree, take your time, just wait..."</em></div>
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<br />
I was tired of waiting for life to knock at my door, hand me my diploma and the keys to the minivan. <br />
But that knock is never coming and my waiting was broken. <br />
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When I had purged all these feelings, my husband gently spoke: <span style="font-size: large;">"But we <em>are</em> living our life."</span><br />
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He reminded me that we are not waiting...<u>we are doing</u>! That just because we are working toward something doesn't mean life is on hold. <u>We are living</u>. <br />
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I was defining "life" based on what other couples in their mid-20's were doing. "Real life" was having kids, a minivan, and a mortgage. And that is real life! It's <em>their</em> real life, but not mine, not right now. <br />
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I have these weird day dreams where I leap into the future and try to describe my present situation. When I think about this period of my life I would say:<br />
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<strong>"Aw, my 20's. The was when I was waiting for everything."</strong> </div>
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But what I need to embrace is this:<br />
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<strong>"Aw, my 20's. That was when I was a newlywed, and we went off to Bible College for 5 years, and traveled overseas, and met amazing people."</strong> </div>
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<br />
It gives me comfort that my husband's words of wisdom came right out of scripture. Matthew 6:34 was meant for us list makers, the doers, the 5-year-plan makers.<br />
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In this section, Jesus reminds us that he will take care of our needs and that we simply need to draw near to him. Then he gives a final reminder because he knows we rolled our eyes; he says: <br />
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<strong>"Don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Every day has enough trouble of its own." - Matthew 6:34</strong><br />
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Then in a beautiful reminder I am drawn back to <strong>Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God!"</strong><br />
<strong></strong><br />
So no more waiting for life to show up. It is right here, right now. <br />
I'm embracing my mid-20's and the life that I have. My 30's, motherhood, and an adult job will come soon enough. But this is my life NOW. And I don't want to miss it while I wait for something else to come along. <br />
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~Renda<br />
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<br />Rendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01052602823225261599noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2813580728733550359.post-78583428905412938722013-12-10T16:22:00.003-06:002013-12-10T16:23:21.353-06:00I'm kinda pissed but very blessed. A few weeks ago a faculty member could walk on stage (<em>during chapel at school</em> ) without striking fear into my heart. But a few resignations later, I cringe when anyone is about to make an announcement. <br />
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I get attached to people. <br />
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The first resignation was by our school President. Sure he was following God's Will for his life, but he never asked me if it was okay. He was one of the major reasons I chose this school. Now look at him, just leaving like it ain't no thing. I was suppose to shake his hand at graduation. <br />
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<em>I get attached to people</em>. <br />
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There have been more changes and more ill-timed, unrelated resignations since then, and now I almost vomit when it's announcement time. <br />
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You need to know this. It's December, it's finals week, and my dearest friends are graduating ( I will not see them until May). I'm stressed, I'm sad, I'm homesick. <br />
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<strong><u>Today crossed the line for me</u></strong>. </div>
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Whistle blown. </div>
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Flag on the play. </div>
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Pass interference ! </div>
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A professor of Youth and Family Ministry ( which is my major ) announced his resignation today.....on stage...during chapel. Leaving me to cry <strike>ball my eyes out ,</strike> trapped in a gym full of people. Doesn't he realize that I just changed my major <strike>for the third time? </strike>Doesn't he realize that I already finalized my Spring Semester schedule with his classes? Doesn't he realize that I am not done learning from him yet?<br />
<br />
I'm kinda pissed. <br />
<br />
Back somewhere in 2005ish I was called to the Principal's office during my Biology class. My brother had come to the school and needed to meet with me urgently. We were able to sit outside and he told me that he would be moving from our town in Oklahoma to some Bible College in Missouri. I was almost a Junior, I was about to graduate. We were best friends, how could he do this?!<br />
<br />
That night at youth group, God got a sense of humor. My youth pastor announced that he would be making the transition into mission work overseas. Him, his wife, and kids would be leaving...me. But, how in the world am I suppose to graduate High School with their guidance? Couldn't they wait until I was done? <br />
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As the years went on, the bitterness slipped away and God gave me a beautiful outlook on this situation. These people were not trying to hurt me by leaving, but they were setting an example. An example of responding to the call that God has placed on our lives. <br />
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I don't know if people cried and stomped their feet when David and I up and left our cozy comfort in Oklahoma to be poor college kids in Missouri. Regardless of how people responded, we are responsible for obeying the call the God have us. <br />
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Today, sitting in the gym, with tears gushing out of my face, I was transported back through those memories. And as much as I want to lash out at those resignations, I have to respect the obedience that these men and women are exhibiting. <br />
<br />
I need to remember that their God given abilities were not meant to serve me, but to Give Glory to God. I need to remember that they are giving me a gift: the gift of setting an example. <br />
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So, in this emotional trial of change, I have been blessed. <br />
I'm still kinda pissed...but very very blessed. <br />
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~Renda<br />
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<br />Rendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01052602823225261599noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2813580728733550359.post-37526181438899733512013-10-07T12:52:00.001-05:002013-10-07T20:09:53.790-05:00Prayer. Is. Powerful. The sickness is healed. <br />
Relationships are mended. <br />
The car sells. <br />
The house becomes available. <br />
The bills get paid. <br />
There is food to eat. <br />
The job calls and makes the offer. <br />
<br />
God has done crazy amazing things in our marriage over these 5 years and if we had a central theme to summarize it, it would be <b>Prayer is Powerful.</b> <br />
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Sometimes the prayer is answered. Sometimes a lesson is learned. But God is always faithful to move in our lives. <br />
<br />
The most recent area that God is moving in our lives:<br />
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<b>We have finally found a church home!</b> We have been in search for 2 years for a place that we know Jesus is Lord, that has sound doctrine, and is a place for us to grow in fellowship with the community of Christ. <br />
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Through lots of prayer, gentleness, patience, and faith, I was allowed to <b>put my job on hold</b> in order to focus on the next area of ministry that God has placed on our household. After looking at my class load, my responsibility at home, and what this new ministry adventure will require, quitting my job <i>(temporarily)</i> was the only solution. <br />
<br />
The ministry opportunity that required me to quit my job is that <b>my husband is leading a mission trip</b> next year. Through the dating and marriage years of our relationship, I have been praying that my husband would have an opportunity to go back to the people of his heart. There is a lot to do (the harvest is plenty). We are so excited to begin contacting prayer warriors and financial supports !<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><i><u><span style="font-size: large;">Lean in</span></u></i></span> <br />
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There is a reason I wanted to share how God is moving in my life along with the topic of prayer.<br />
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These were not the answers I was seeking.<br />
This was not what I had in mind when I prayed to God about finding a church and doing missions.<br />
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<b>IT'S BETTER. </b><br />
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I feel like this what Matthew was talking about when he said:<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #0b5394;">"Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and these things will be added."</span> </span>-Matthew 6:33</div>
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Echoed from the psalmist in Psalm 34:7</div>
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<span style="color: #38761d;"><span style="font-size: large;">"Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."</span> </span> </div>
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I want you to be encouraged to seek God in prayer. Even when you are not sure what to say, or how God will even meet your requests. Just know that God is listening, and he knows exactly what you need. Do not restrict yourself to your ability to meet your needs. </div>
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~Renda </div>
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<br />Rendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01052602823225261599noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2813580728733550359.post-59600818978725244052013-08-29T11:18:00.000-05:002013-08-29T11:18:01.896-05:00A Quick Word<em>I had the opportunity to join a scripture sharing group via email with some friends. This verse was placed on my heart and thought you could be encouraged.</em> <br />
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<br />
The scripture that first comes to mind is Philippians 1:6<br /><strong>"For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus."</strong> <br /><br />This verse speaks so loud to me ( <em>and hopefully to you too</em> ) because I feel like my life is just always stuck in the middle. I am in the 3rd semester of my Sophomore year at Bible college and my 25th birthday is coming. I feel like my life is on hold as me and my husband work on our degree. Sometimes I feel like <strong>God has moved on to other talented people</strong>, moved on to other women to accomplish what I thought He was doing in me. <br /><br />This verse reminds me that God completes His homework. It also reminds me that God has a project for me and that as I mature, read His scripture, and do His will, that he will <em>perfect</em> and finish that project in me.<br /><br /> May you know that you are a dear daughter/son of the living God. May you know that He started a good work in you the moment you accepted Him as your savior. And know that no matter how difficult the days, or how far away He feels, He is going to complete that good work in you. You are precious and not forgotten. Rendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01052602823225261599noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2813580728733550359.post-23898157993416183682013-08-24T20:46:00.001-05:002013-08-24T20:46:52.606-05:008 Weeks <div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://fromeve2me.blogspot.com/2013/07/4-weeks-in.html">Eight weeks</a> ago we started the journey to a healthier lifestyle. I shared the first 4 weeks<span style="color: #e06666;"> <a href="http://fromeve2me.blogspot.com/2013/07/4-weeks-in.html">here</a>.</span></div>
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Now it's been another 4 weeks ! We are still going strong and adding more to our busy schedule. </div>
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Here is a quick overview of the first 4 weeks.</div>
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<li style="text-align: center;">Out with the pop and fast food, in with the water and fresh food. </li>
<li style="text-align: center;">Deep clean the house</li>
<li style="text-align: center;">Walking 3 miles a night. </li>
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<b><u>Week 4</u></b> <br />
This was our anniversary week ! 5 years of marriage was an amazing milestone. With the garage sale money we made, we were able to take a trip to Springfield, IL. We never had a "real" honeymoon, so this was the perfect getaway to somewhere new.<br />
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We also started the Couch to 5K program. This program takes you from your couch to running a 5K in 8 weeks ! You only run 3x a week.<br />
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<u><b>Week 5 </b></u><br />
Week 2 of Couch to 5K.<br />
This program is strengthening our marriage SO MUCH. David could run faster but instead, he stays behind to cheer me on. I think I'm going to join him for a 5K in September !<br />
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<br />
<u><b>Week 6</b></u><br />
I was battling some spiritual warfare. Started 21-day <a href="http://madetocrave.org/">Made To Crave</a> Bible Reading challenge by <a href="http://lysaterkeurst.com/">Lysa TerKeurst</a>. If you have the <a href="https://www.bible.com/app">Bible App</a> on your phone it comes free !!! Perfect companion to focus your goal and remain in God's word. <br />
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Biggest physical obstacle: I ran for 3 whole minutes. I also learned a breathing technique to help with stamina and decrease the pain in my right hip. Inhale for 3 steps and exhale for 2 steps. Works perfect and no pain ! <br />
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<u><b>Week 7</b></u><br />
At the start of this week we had completed Week 3 of Couch to 5K and have started Week 4. Just when I thought I had reached my peak, Week 4 of C25K contained running for 3 min, 5min, 3min, 5min. I finished each set, not fast, but I finished.<br />
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<u><b>Week 8 </b></u><br />
This week was crazy full !<br />
We started school this week and started using the treadmills in the schools workout room. <br />
We finished up Week 4 and started Week 5 of C25K. I am so proud of myself ! Week 5 changes each day. I have been running for 8 minutes at a time !<br />
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<br />
It feels so good to look at the progress I have made.<br />
Now that we are in school, we eat at the cafeteria for lunches. We find ourselves eating healthier by desire instead of by force.<br />
<br />
Going back to school this week was so encouraging. I did not realize just how many people had been following our updates on Facebook and were eager for us to continue ! <br />
<br />
Week 9 starts Monday- Here we go ! <br />
<br />
<b>Combined total weight loss = 23 </b> <br />
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<br />Rendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01052602823225261599noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2813580728733550359.post-26650461823674068132013-07-20T22:24:00.001-05:002013-07-23T08:26:59.815-05:004 Weeks InFour weeks ago my husband cleaned off our dry erase board that hangs on the kitchen wall.<br />
Four weeks ago we sat down for a long talk about finances, eating habits, and our team work.<br />
<br />
We have gone through these phases before. Something similar to a New Years Resolution <strike>Wake-up-call</strike>. We have tried to lose weight, save money, be better stewards, or plan for a trip. We have tried all this many times.<br />
<br />
This time nothing was different. Same goals. Same reason.<br />
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<br />
<b>But now, it's 4 weeks later. </b><br />
We made it 4 weeks ! <br />
<u><b><br /></b></u>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
<u><b>Week #1 </b></u></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
This week we went back to healthy basics. No more fast food. No more Dr.Pepper. </div>
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Our favorite food secret weapon is <a href="http://emeals.com/">eMeals</a> ! ( Thank you <a href="http://www.jonacuff.com/blog/">Jon Acuff </a>) We have been using <a href="http://emeals.com/">eMeals</a> off & on for out 3 years now. This time, we jumped in with both feet and signed up for a full year of meal plans!</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i> Instead of a Taco Bell run, my husband would bring a picnic to work !</i></div>
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To get off the couch we started using our Xbox Kinect instead of paying of a gym fee. Workouts during the day and 1 mile walks every evenings. Every Monday we weigh in to see the results. <br />
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Some positive fridge art ! </div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
One of the powerful things we learned that week about healthy food habits was this:</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>"Cant go wrong with fruits and veggies. And look at every meal, see if there is at least one item you could switch for a fresher version." </i></div>
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<u><b>Week #2</b></u><br />
The regular exercising and fresher foods increased my energy. Late one night I decided our house needed a deep cleaning. This was about the time of my ( <a href="http://fromeve2me.blogspot.com/2013/07/mid-20s-crisis.html">Mid 20's crisis</a>). I started cleaning out closets,drawers, and boxes from the garage. All of a sudden we were ready for a garage sale !<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEir-F6ehluQ2ejaaL6OwT7HWUQ7csxqhtU7_ytgGMYaHuBv3qFGlRjEK3H5tx-35B_AUi3k5omQKrFQi_o7tnd3wptpQ-AREwGdR8mHdy7kMpBFcXZkO_CUR3RwBq22VAgxX7o0eb8kmekI/s1600/garage+sale+pile.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEir-F6ehluQ2ejaaL6OwT7HWUQ7csxqhtU7_ytgGMYaHuBv3qFGlRjEK3H5tx-35B_AUi3k5omQKrFQi_o7tnd3wptpQ-AREwGdR8mHdy7kMpBFcXZkO_CUR3RwBq22VAgxX7o0eb8kmekI/s320/garage+sale+pile.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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We jumped to the hustle, got an ad in the paper, and signs on town corners for a Friday and Saturday sale. This was at the end of Day 1. </div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>On day #2 of the sale, we had a secret weapon for sales:</i> </div>
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The sale was a huge hit ! We made over $500, cleaned out our lives, and created the fresh start we were looking for. <b>It felt amazing to have more room and less to worry about ! </b><br />
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<b> </b>We were exhausted but it was so worth it !</div>
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<br />
<b><u>Week #3</u></b><br />
We can really feel the extra energy and clutter free living space. I started week 3 with a <a href="http://pinterest.com/">Pinterest </a>project I had put on the back burner. A great display for all of our ticket stubs !<br />
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We also increased our walking to 3 miles a night and my husband is considering a signing up for 5K in September ! This week we also introduced a cleaning routine to keep us on our feet and keep our house ready for any guests and any time.<br />
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<br />
<u><b>Week #4 begins Now ! </b></u><br />
Going into week 4 feels awesome.<br />
I crave water and better food. We had a fast food snack on a busy day and hated it ! <br />
We love our evenings walks and arrange our plans so we don't miss it.<br />
I sleep better. I feel better.<br />
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<br />
Like I said. We have tried this before. I think it speaks volume that we are trying to better ourselves. We are trying and that is something.<br />
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Like I said, it's been 4 weeks.<br />
That's pretty awesome progress !<br />
<br />
~Renda Rendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01052602823225261599noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2813580728733550359.post-18668704475918278882013-07-19T14:37:00.004-05:002013-07-19T14:37:46.014-05:00Mid 20's CrisisDo you have a 5 year plan ? A 10 year plan ?<br />
<br />
In job interviews I rocked that question like none other.<br />
<br />
I'm a <i>have-a-plan</i> kind of girl. I thrive on a to-do list and love to spend hours day dreaming about the future. At night, when I couldn't get to sleep, I would just think of the next 5 years; What I would look like, where we would live, and what sports would my children play ?<br />
<br />
A few weeks ago I had a melt down. Mostly in my head and in the privacy of my own home, I just melted down. My 25th birthday is fast approaching. Me...turning 25.<br />
<br />
(If you are older than 25, you're laughing at me. If you're not laughing.. then you feel my pain. )<br />
<br />
<br />
I broke down because as my 25th birthday approaches, I was forced to reflect on the past 25 years. I was not happy with what I saw.<br />
<br />
I have spent the last 25 years:<br />
<ul>
<li>Stressing over what-if scenarios.</li>
<li>Worrying over family drama. </li>
<li>Crying over that stress and drama</li>
<li>Living in the middle but never really present. </li>
</ul>
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For the past 25 years I have been preparing to be someone else. <b>Everything</b> I wore, friends I picked, activities I joined, churches I attended, jobs I took. Everything was a choice I made because that is what Future Renda would do.<br />
<br />
Now 25 years later,<b> I'm not that woman</b>. I pictured a minivan with at least 2 kids, a busy schedule, and sleepless nights. Maybe a mortgage or a second car. Women's bible studies, jokes over parenting, and signing up for little league.<br />
<br />
Instead. My husband and I are about to start our Junior year in college in another state, away from our parents, siblings, and nieces and nephews. Just the 2 of us, up here, in the middle.<br />
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I had to have a pity party for a second and then I picked myself up. I can't stop my 25th birthday from coming, but<b> I can change the next 25 years</b>. So I gave myself a new outlook.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple;"><i>I am going to live in the present. The future is forever changing and the past is done. If my body is not going to listen to my dreams, then I will work to get in the best shape I can,<b> so that I can live as long as I can, so I can leave the biggest legacy that I can.</b></i><b> </b></span></div>
<br />
Some habits, some words, some relationships, and friendships wont make it into the next 25 years of my life. But that means that is room for new, lots of new. New habits, new friendships, and <u>new healing</u>.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">For <b>I know the plans</b> I have for you,” <b>declares the <span class="small-caps">Lord</span></b>, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart" </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">-Jeremiah 29:11-13</span></div>
<br />Rendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01052602823225261599noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2813580728733550359.post-40655660450506062452013-05-28T00:18:00.001-05:002013-05-28T00:18:32.822-05:00Ministry Daydream Summer break is a great time to relax. I'm so thankful that I have no homework or assignments for 2 months ! But at heart I do love to plan, research, and prepare. So I can't help but think about and "preplan" what next semester will hold for me. <br />
<br />
I will be heading into my first semester of my Junior year. <br />
I'm also in a new major. New classes, new books, new opportunity to see God move in my life. <br />
<br />
My new major is <strong>Youth and Family ministry.</strong> <br />
I would have never picked this major on my own, and yet it seems perfect. I adore my youth pastor and his wife. My teenage years are not the same without them. I feel completely unqualified and scared to death that I will fail at this but I'm also extremely excited to see turn these ashes into beauty. <br />
<br />
The longer it takes for us to become parents, the more I crave opportunities to be a "<em>surrogate</em>" to kids and teens through ministry. God has used ministry as a major healing power in my journey to become a mom. While it can be great practice, it is something that will always be a need. Every town, every community will have youth that need someone to listen. When you're a Christian, you don't have to look very far to find ministry. Your life is ministry. <br />
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So as I day dream this summer I like to in vision what I hope to do this fall with youth ministry:<br />
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<ul>
<li>Ladies Bible studies</li>
<li>Morning brunch with teen girls group</li>
<li>Pamper parties at the salon/spa</li>
<li>Using my house for devotions</li>
<li>Meeting with teens for lunch at school</li>
<li>Maybe be a sponsor on a youth trip</li>
<li>Write encouraging notes</li>
<li>Attend sports games or school events</li>
</ul>
<br />
What were some of your favorite youth activities ?<br />
How did a youth minister or sponsor impact your life ?<br />
Rendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01052602823225261599noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2813580728733550359.post-54171949306292183292013-05-07T15:10:00.000-05:002013-05-07T15:10:36.064-05:00UngluedI become unglued on a regular daily basis. So much in fact that my husband will call me by my mothers maiden name ( Peyton) when my feisty attitude comes to the surface. <br />
<br />
I was drawn to <a href="http://lysaterkeurst.com/">Lysa's</a> book Unglued because as I yearned to dive deeper into ministry, I was getting the feeling I couldn't take this silver tongue with me. It's not possible to build bridges when you're tearing down hearts. <br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>When I look at my unglued moments most of them are geared toward defending my friends and family. </em></div>
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I am deeply protective of my friends and family. If you meet me I want to be your BFF. That also means that I am in your corner forever. I have your back even when you're wrong. My circle of friends call me "Mama Renda" because I want to take care of them and protect them from others harm. I will go down fighting for them even if it's for the wrong reason. <br />
<br />
<strong>At work</strong> I become unglued when people to recognize the hidden team work that takes place to get things done. I want to be the best at what I do, I want to be liked by everyone. <strike>I want to be the</strike> <strike>favorite.</strike> <br />
<br />
<strong>At school</strong> I become unglued people preach at me. As an adult student, these little kiddos have no idea what they are getting into. How do they have the right to tell me what to do ?<br />
<br />
<strong>At home</strong> I become unglued when I come home from work and my husband has not cleaned the entire house, washed all the clothes, and cooked dinner. <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>You see, when I look at my unglued moments most of them are geared toward defending myself, being selfish, and not focusing on God.</em> </div>
<br />
I have found that starting my morning off with scripture makes a <strong><span style="font-size: large;">BIG IMPACT</span></strong> on how I will react or respond to the unglued moments throughout the day. School ends about 4pm this Thursday and this summer I am looking forward to refocusing my lifestyle. Finding an older woman mentor is a goal of mine this summer. <br />
<br />
After revealing my unglued moments I do have hope from Lysa. She shares that there are areas where it is okay to become unglued. It's okay to become unglued when you see people hurt by sin. It's okay to become unglued when others are being hurt and you hurt for them. It's okay to become unglued in a way that leads to healing and building of the kingdom of God. <br />
<br />
~Renda Rendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01052602823225261599noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2813580728733550359.post-18341884615578916992013-04-23T22:32:00.000-05:002013-04-30T21:44:33.670-05:00ComfortAfter dealing with my first loss, I learned that comfort comes in a variety of ways. <br />
<br />
The first came when I was walking down the hall at school last Tuesday. I had just received the text about grandpa and I had 15 minutes to get to work. I was holding my tears in pretty well. <br />
I kept thinking, <br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<strong>"As long as I don't run into my friend Sarah, I will be okay."</strong> </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
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But what I really meant was:</div>
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</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<strong>"I really need Sarah."</strong> </div>
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</div>
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About that time I came around the corner and there she was. She smiled and waved. Then she assessed my smile and wave. As she met me she simply embraced me and stepped to the side out of the way. I barred my head in her arms and sobbed. Snot and all, Sarah stroked my hair. Snot and all <strong>Sarah provided comfort. </strong></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Wednesday-Friday my friends surrounded me in just enough laughter and games to mask the reality of what was happening. Some would call this denial, but lets be real. <u>There is nothing I could do that would bring my grandfather back to life.</u> I wasn't ready to lose him but I was also not ready to cry. I wanted to laugh and they provided that for me. <strong>They provided comfort.</strong> </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
By Saturday I was fading fast. I had to work before we hit the road for 6 hours of awkward somber silence. While folding towels (<em>I work at a salon and spa</em> ) an elderly massage therapist simply stepped beside me and noticed I was in deep thought. As she asked if I was okay I began to sob as quietly as possible. She picked up on the fact that I did not want attention on myself and simply blocked the way for others to see my face. She stayed with me until I could swallow with ease. <strong>She provided comfort.</strong> </div>
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</div>
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At the funeral there were small moments that others would simply brush off, but they were deep impacts of this healing process:</div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Holding my Aunt Donna's hand as we walked to the cars. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
My 6 foot 6 cousin Neal reaching down to give me a bear hug. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
My grandma stroking my arm. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Seeing my Aunt Lila finally let a tear fall.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Giving my mom a pep talk in the bathroom. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
My husband leaning over to tell me joke during the funeral. </div>
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</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
People say "everyone grieves different." This is true. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
You may say I am in denial, or that I'm too "Happy-go-lucky" but I don't want to focus on my grief process. It's not the grief I need, it's the comfort. </div>
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</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
If you are hurting, or when you do, don't ignore what sooths your aching soul. Don't force yourself to stay in pity. Don't be afraid to laugh, and know it's okay to be comforted in a variety of ways by a variety of people. </div>
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</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
~Renda says. </div>
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Rendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01052602823225261599noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2813580728733550359.post-24770150117631969622013-04-16T22:25:00.000-05:002013-04-30T21:44:04.225-05:00First Loss<br />
<br />
I am so thankful that I lived almost 25 years before experiencing the harsh loss of a close family member. Sure I have lost loved ones before but this is the first of my immediate family. From now on I will have to speak of grandpa in the past tense. My children will role their eyes as I try to describe how handsome, strong, and tender this 1/2 Cherokee man was. <br />
<br />
At Bible college they try to teach us how to be leaders in difficult situations. How to minister to those that are hurting. I have tried to aid those in their loss. Now I find myself trying to cling to my own advice and reminders. Bible college wasn't just preparing me to deal with others grief but how to handle my own. <br />
<br />
Even though I am in a roller coaster of tears, homework, and daily stress, I do find peace in remembering that my grandpa did know Jesus as his personal savior. Grandpa accepted Jesus Christ and that means that he is in Heaven right now. I don't have to just say "he is in a better place" to make myself better, I can actually know that he IS in a better place. <br />
<br />
Tonight my grandpa is young and energized. <br />
Tonight he has received a new name. <br />
His ragged tired clothes are traded in for a pure white robe. <br />
He is not restricted by any ache of any kind. <br />
<br />
I love you grandpa. <br />
It's going to take me awhile to get used to this. <br />
But I will see you again. <br />
<br />
Love you grandpa. Rendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01052602823225261599noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2813580728733550359.post-38335148247957714222013-04-12T23:45:00.001-05:002013-04-12T23:45:08.051-05:00FrUstratioN FridayI don't want to be the Debbie downer of the blogs but this week what not on my radar. <br />
<br />
This is a look at the questions that have kept up me at night this week. <br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>Did I do the laundry ?</li>
<li>Should I be worried about North Korea ?</li>
<li>I hope there isn't a test in class this week. </li>
<li>Is there a test ?</li>
<li>What happens if I don't get my dream job ? </li>
<li>Should I create a living will ? </li>
<li>When is that hand bag that the orange strap ?</li>
<li>When will I finish my degree ? </li>
<li>Where will I work when we move back to Oklahoma ?</li>
<li>Will we move back to Oklahoma ?</li>
<li>When did my arms get flabby ?</li>
<li>What am I going to do for my 25th birthday ?</li>
<li>When should I start researching adoption agencies ?</li>
<li>Am I ready to attend a funeral ?</li>
<li>What color do people wear to funerals?</li>
<li>Did I wash enough clothes for the week ?</li>
<li>Will CNN update Twitter if we get bombed ?</li>
</ul>
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It doesnt surprise me that the less I read my devo the more stressed I became. I would always find an excuse. The first day I overslept, then the next day I just had to check my email.. and then 5 days later it collected dust. I need to fight the urge to be selfish. I need to continue to run this race. <br />
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Rendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01052602823225261599noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2813580728733550359.post-53841430955908054312013-04-08T21:59:00.002-05:002013-04-08T22:04:06.455-05:00Meet Dillon: Part II<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>He went to Bible college, went home, and overdosed before he was rescued by Jesus. </em></div>
<em></em><br />
<em>Some Christians would take a disapproving look at <a href="http://fromeve2me.blogspot.com/2013/04/meet-dillon-part-i.html">Dillon</a>. </em><br />
<em>Some would scoff at his tattoos and assume that he could not possibly understand the love and saving grace of Jesus Christ. </em><br />
<em></em><br />
<em>But the truth is that not only has <a href="http://fromeve2me.blogspot.com/2013/04/meet-dillon-part-i.html">Dillon experienced</a> the saving grace of Jesus but He deeply desires to share it with the rest of the world. </em><br />
<em></em><br />
<em>Dillon is helping people meet Jesus. </em><br />
<em>Here is a snippet of his experience after God saved his life:</em><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"Me and a married couple flew over the 8th of January. He has preached and taught all over the world, and <strong>I have never learned so much in my life.</strong> </div>
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Haiti has no rules that I can think of, dogs, goats, pigs, horses, cows, trash, and naked children every place you look; much pollution, your nose is constantly filled with dirt. <br />
All night you here dogs fighting, roosters, and the satanists drumming, and chanting in the streets. Many very crazy people there, I met two men that killed people; one was baptized. <br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
Baptisms took place, God opened a lot of doors. </div>
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I preached at many churches with my time there; also did much street preaching to the homeless in various areas. <br />
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We prayed for a family that was practicing voodoo, we had church every morning every night no exceptions, I believe that's biblical. <br />
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[God] really opened my eyes. Really made me appreciate the states. I am definitely going to continue doing Mission work. <strong>God has been radically changing my life, and waking me up to this world</strong>.<br />
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[Now back in the USA] I do a prison ministry and inner city ministry.</div>
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<strong>Gods opened doors for me and been with me the whole time</strong>. God Bless"</div>
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<br />
<em>Join me in prayer for Dillon, that God would continue to protect his heart and life so that he may continue to spread the Gospel. That when Dillon grows weary that the Holy Spirit would remind Dillon of the powerful work God has done in his life.</em> Rendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01052602823225261599noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2813580728733550359.post-65416087841471718842013-04-07T00:09:00.003-05:002013-04-07T00:11:16.613-05:00Late night post. I am going to miss this. <br />
<br />
I am sure 99% of the students are ready for summer. They are ready for their freedom, ready for adventure, but really just ready for no homework. <br />
<br />
It would be nice when I don't have to write another theology paper or take a quiz but I am the 1% that is not completely looking forward to this summer. When summer comes, the students go back home. Except... when your an off-campus student. Then.. then you stay here. While everyone goes.. <br />
<br />
My husband and I love having our classmates over to our house. <br />
It keeps us young. <br />
It keeps us laughing. <br />
<em>It makes me clean the house.</em> <br />
But also.. it keeps my spirits up. <br />
<br />
I like quiet... after it's been crazy. <br />
If it's <u>just </u>quiet then I am alone with my thoughts and that is a very dangerous place to be. <br />
<br />
Tonight we had a group of friends over. We laughed so hard. We laughed so hard that some people farted. <br />
Now that is a good time ! <br />
Good food. <br />
Good friends. <br />
Good times. <br />
<br />
I am going to miss this. Rendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01052602823225261599noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2813580728733550359.post-46236447823045820122013-04-05T16:41:00.003-05:002013-04-07T00:10:02.487-05:00Fun Friday70 degrees<br />
Flip flops<br />
Grilling out<br />
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<br />
This winter has been way too long ! I am just craving this sunshine ! I hope it is warm where you are from. I hope you can enjoy flip flops and pull out those sunglasses. <br />
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This week I learned that if you put enough carmel on a Carmel Frappe, I will forgive just about anything. <br />
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This week I also learned that my husband will be participating in a tournament of Settlers of Catan. <br />
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If you know this game, you will think my husband is awesome. <br />
If you don't know this game you are probably judging me. <br />
Either way, he has a chance to win a trip to Indianapolis ! <br />
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Like I said, <br />
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70 degrees<br />
Flip flops<br />
Grilling out<br />
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What are your weekend plans ?Rendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01052602823225261599noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2813580728733550359.post-86754920406451299752013-04-04T22:37:00.002-05:002013-08-03T23:41:59.454-05:00Meet Dillon: Part I<div style="text-align: center;">
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<i><span style="background-color: #b6d7a8; color: black;">Sometimes God feels far away. Sometimes we think God is observing us on the outside of a snow globe, just turning our life upside down anytime he wants. I know this isn't true. </span></i><br />
<span style="background-color: #b6d7a8;"><span style="color: black;"><i>The best way to remember that God is an alive part of our life and desires for our faith to mature, is through hearing the testimony of others. </i></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #b6d7a8;"><span style="color: black;"><i>This new series is called "</i><b>Meet." </b><i>I</i></span></span><i><span style="background-color: #b6d7a8; color: black;">n this series you will meet believers in Christ & see how they are helping the lost to "Meet Jesus."</span> </i><br />
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<b>Meet Dillon</b></div>
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My life: through high school I partied a lot, abused alcohol, and marijuana. <br />
I was a hypocritical Christian. </div>
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I was raised in a christian household but whatever my parents told me to do I would usually do the opposite. Bad company corrupts good character is where I was at when I was young. <br />
Girls and the weekend were the main focus of my week. <br />
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I had attended college in Missouri for a year, and was away from my group of friends for that period of time. When I returned home <b>everything spiraled down hill</b>. It was the summer so we'd party through out the week and the weekends. My parents had no control of what was happening to me, and it was killing them inside. <br />
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<b>My heart was hardened toward them and God</b>, but I knew there was a <span style="font-size: large;">battle</span> for me. <br />
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We started to abuse hallucinogens 18-20 pills a night 2-3 days a week for about a month straight and I was addicted to the feeling. The high took me from my depression and from reality for a day, it was worth it to me at the time. I OD'd on the pills and was taken to the emergency. It didnt stop me from carrying on the next week. <br />
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Then there was a night my mom found out where I was at and<b> I felt the strongest pull on me from Satan's attacks and God trying to get me out of the place I was</b>. She brought me home and said to me crying:<br />
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<i> " Dillon what are we supposed to do anymore? Your going to die if you keep on the same path your going, I love you but you cant stay here if this is the lifestyle your going to keep."</i></div>
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I told her: </div>
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<i> " Mom dont you think if God was real he'd take this addiction away, I cant stop. What am I supposed to do."</i> </div>
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That was the first time it had broken my heart to see my mom in such distress, and I cant imagine God's. I had hit bottom I had no where to go. So I asked my mom and dad to pray over me and I prayed:<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> " Lord if your real, please take this addiction away, make me new, forgive me."</span> </div>
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Simple and sincere. And I felt peace for the first time in a long time. I woke up, I felt totally different, a feeling I had never experienced before. <br />
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Colors were so much brighter. <br />
Music was more clear. <br />
God Woke me up. And [now] I try to serve him in everything I do. <br />
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*Dillon went to Haiti in January. Read more in <a href="http://fromeve2me.blogspot.com/2013/04/meet-dillon-part-ii.html">Meet Dillon Part 2 !</a><br />
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Rendahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01052602823225261599noreply@blogger.com0