In job interviews I rocked that question like none other.
I'm a have-a-plan kind of girl. I thrive on a to-do list and love to spend hours day dreaming about the future. At night, when I couldn't get to sleep, I would just think of the next 5 years; What I would look like, where we would live, and what sports would my children play ?
A few weeks ago I had a melt down. Mostly in my head and in the privacy of my own home, I just melted down. My 25th birthday is fast approaching. Me...turning 25.
(If you are older than 25, you're laughing at me. If you're not laughing.. then you feel my pain. )
I broke down because as my 25th birthday approaches, I was forced to reflect on the past 25 years. I was not happy with what I saw.
I have spent the last 25 years:
- Stressing over what-if scenarios.
- Worrying over family drama.
- Crying over that stress and drama
- Living in the middle but never really present.
For the past 25 years I have been preparing to be someone else. Everything I wore, friends I picked, activities I joined, churches I attended, jobs I took. Everything was a choice I made because that is what Future Renda would do.
Now 25 years later, I'm not that woman. I pictured a minivan with at least 2 kids, a busy schedule, and sleepless nights. Maybe a mortgage or a second car. Women's bible studies, jokes over parenting, and signing up for little league.
Instead. My husband and I are about to start our Junior year in college in another state, away from our parents, siblings, and nieces and nephews. Just the 2 of us, up here, in the middle.
I had to have a pity party for a second and then I picked myself up. I can't stop my 25th birthday from coming, but I can change the next 25 years. So I gave myself a new outlook.
I am going to live in the present. The future is forever changing and the past is done. If my body is not going to listen to my dreams, then I will work to get in the best shape I can, so that I can live as long as I can, so I can leave the biggest legacy that I can.
Some habits, some words, some relationships, and friendships wont make it into the next 25 years of my life. But that means that is room for new, lots of new. New habits, new friendships, and new healing.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart"