October 15, 2015

Phase Two: Lost and Found

Thank you for your continued prayer during this season of our life and phase of healing. If you are reading this post for the first time, you may refer to the Phase One for background on our miscarriage story. 

It's not just the baby.
Its not just the pregnancy, the birth story, the feedings all night, and all that comes with having a newborn. 

It's not just the cute clothes, the cute books, and cute pictures. 
It's not first steps, first words, and first days of school. 

It's not just sport games, and recitals. 
It's not just birthdays, and family portraits. 

It''s not just prom, graduation, and college visits. 
It's not just engagements, and wedding days.

I did not just lose a baby.
I lost a lifetime of memories.

During a gentle conversation last week, a woman shared insight from her own miscarriage. She explained that a miscarriage is not just the mourning of the pregnancy but a loss of everything that that life may have included.

This week those words rang a little too loud in my heart.
I found myself walking in crisp fall weather, singing in worship songs, and giggling with my husband...all the while wishing "Baby O" could be with us.

And yet,

My hope must be in the fact that God exists, and that while loss does sting, Hell has no victory with this life.
My hope is in the fact that while I did lose a child, my child is not lost. But found in the most precious, most holy, most safe of places surrounded by the most powerful form of love from the very source Himself.

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus' blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame, 
but wholly lean on Jesus' name. 

When darkness veils His lovely face, 
I rest on His unchanging grace; 
In every high and stormy gale, 
My anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, His blood
Support me in the whelming flood;
When all around my soul gives way, 
He then is all my hope and stay. 

When He shall come with trumpet sound, 
Oh, may I then in Him be found;
Dressed in His righteousness alone, 
Faultless to stand before the throne. 

On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand,
all other ground is sinking sand. 

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